The identity of the CPC members comes down to oppression. Why I abondened Communism is complex, but this realisation was a contributing reason. When I was a Party member, I felt so proud. The Party was my pride, and I felt enlightened. I had learned all that there was to learn, and I supported the ideology and policies of the CPC. I believed that I would be faithful to the Party unto death, and that nothing could shake my loyalty. The Party was my everything, it was my world, I was practically married to the Party. I was not thinking about racial purity but only about the Party and its rules.
My mind was occupied with keeping to Party discipline. Being a Party member really made me proud. I was better than my fellow Chinese who could not become a Party member, and I looked down upon them because pride was what I was being taught by the Party. I felt that I was higher than my fellow Chinese and I could not see them as my equals. I felt no empathy for them, because I was loyal to the Party. I believed that they should be obedient to the Party and even that it was my duty to keep them to the Party policies. I saw them as rebellious children who needed to be disciplined. While I was a Party member, I was held to higher standards and this confirmed my pride. I stood above other Chinese, and this was clear to me. I saw everyone who criticised the Party as against China, and I knew no nuance.
It did not yet occur to me that the people and the Party are completely separate entities whose fates are not necessarily tied. The CPC tries to tie its fate to the people, but for how long the people will tolerate this remains to be seen. I remember well how I thought that it was normal for the Party to make demands of the people while it was morally wrong for them to make demands back – this is the one-sided relationship that is a reality in China. The people may be indoctrinated that China is democratic and that it is a two-way relationship, but Party members know very well that the Party can demand and the people can only obey – this is what loyalty to the Party is all about.
It was not until that I started thinking more about how I looked upon fellow Chinese that I realised something: they are just human beings like me, and I am not superior to them. I started feeling empathy, and I felt a sense of human guilt for being proud of helping to oppress them. I really felt disgusted with myself. It made be feel bad about what I was doing. I wanted to stop watching every move of my Chinese brothers and sisters and being afraid of them because my essential duty was only to care about the survival of the Party and ignore the people whenever it suited the Party.
I decided eventually it was better for me to study abroad to distance myself more from the CPC and to have more freedom to think. I had been abroad before so I knew that there was a whole different world out there, and I am grateful that I can stay in the West and write on this blog today. Things may not be easy in the West and I still need to be careful, but things are more bearable. My fate being tied to the CPC made me depressed and I could not psychologically cope with the indoctrination anymore.
I saw that what I was hearing was wrong on a factual, moral and human basis. I felt that my humanity was being taken away, I was losing my sanity. I realised that I had been trapped in a criminal organisation, even a dangerous political cult, and I simply wanted to get out. My body is mine, my soul is mine, my mind is mine. That is all I could think. I no longer wanted the CPC to control me nor did I want to help them control others. When an identity comes to oppressing people, it can never be good for racial purity. You do not oppress someone when you are looking out for their best interests. You are oppressing them when you are looking out for just your own interests.
The CPC and the people are at odds. The CPC demands ideological purity, but I feel that racial purity is what the people truly need in order to survive as a race. The people can survive without the CPC, but the CPC cannot survive without oppressing the people and they realise this all too well. I want to stand beside my fellow Chinese and be free to feel empathy for them. I have a guilty conscience for what I did earlier, but I hope to serve them the rest of my life. Racial purity is what matters for the survival of the people, ideological purity matters only for the CPC.
I do not care about the policies anymore, all I can now see are the needs of the people. It broke my heart in the CPC to see the plight of the people, and I want to help them. My identity is not determined by cold CPC policies, but by the warmth of empathy for the people. I can only hope that they will forgive me for having been a Party member, also in the future when there may be no CPC anymore. After all, no government is eternal. No power is strong enough to prevent the death of the CPC.
The iron grip they have on Chinese society will eventually lead to their downfall, but until then they will continue making Chinese suffer. Liberal democracy will not last forever, nor will the Marxist-Leninist one-party system. The collapse of the CPC is ultimately inevitable and I will refuse to make suggestions for how the CPC can survive, because the quicker it dies, they sooner we may get to working on racial purity again without being distracted by threatening calls for ideological purity.
It may take a while until we get there,but we should get there as soon as possible and the CPC is not going to get there so it is not worth our resources and time. When we make suggestions for the survival of the CPC, we are only working against racial purity. We need to start thinking about making suggestions for the proper practice of racial purity. Communism is a huge waste of resources and time. It also is a system where human empathy is lacking, and this is so extremely unlike Confucianism. Empathy is the basis of civilisation, and Communism is clearly a step backwards for China. It does not fit into the Confucian history of China and it is actually opposed to it.
The New China is a China of merciless oppression, the Old China was the China of Confucian empathy. Although not everything may have been ideal in the past, at least they saw human empathy as ideal. They saw being human as virtuous, and they were not struggling with humanity. I do not want to struggle with the Chinese people, but I want to help them and preserve their purity. I confess that I did wrong by working for the Party, but I am determined never to stray from the path of empathy again.
Joining the Party was not entirely my choice because I was selected, but I did make a great effort to increase my chances. I was cucking for the Party, I did everything to get their attention and I got it. However, that is all in the past now and I can only hope my fellow Chinese and all the future generations can forgive me. I have done wrong against humanity, but I will try to make up for it by dedicating my life to the people.
I will never ignore their racial purity. I will give my all to the people and their purity and I will listen to their needs and I will never see myself as above them. I am one of the Chinese people, and I am not superior to my own people. I want to see the Chinese people being ruled with the greatest empathy, and I wish this for all peoples. That way the world can be improved, and we can end psychopathic leftism.
Chinese Nationalist Maiden 
We should make the party work for us, not the other way round. The U.S election is a good example to illustrate the point i’m going to make. The alt right played a significant role in the election of Donald Trump by using meme magic, even though they don’t like the republican party’s brand of conservatism. Most alt right also disagree with Trumpian civic nationalism, being ethnic nationalists themselves. Hence the question is why would the alt right support Trump ? The reason is that they see Trump and the republican party as a means to advance white interest. Trump was just one tool in the bigger meta political battle, their loyalty was not to Trump but to the white race.
We can view the CPC in the same way that the alt right views trump. A vehicle on which to serve our racial interest. The trick is not to let them use you, but to use them to your advantage. I have never supported the CPC until recently when i realized the threat we faced from the global liberal order.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is not how the CPC works: you keep to the Party rules or else you are a traitor. By those standards, you should fear for your life because you are a traitor. There is a one-way relationship: meet the demands or be punished. I have been a Party member and I know the Party discipline is strict. There is no way you are going to make this leftist monster represent or do what you want, so let it die before it comes to devour you.
LikeLike
Awesome blog you have!
Have you ever done a podcast before? I would be interested interviewing you and putting it up on my YouTube channel! đŸ™‚
I am mostly on Skype.
Please email me if your interested!
-pilleater
LikeLike
Well, this seems strange for me. Why does the CCP still demand ideological purity when it has adopted Western capitalism? And is the CCP not Han-centric, judging from their policies for Tibet and Xinjiang?
Otherwise, great blog. I am happy to finally see a Chinese with a reactionary mentality. Cannot wait for the Empire to be restored (though I guess, China would probably have to go through a period of chaos before a new Emperor could arise. It’s the norm in Chinese history anyway).
LikeLike
Thank you for posting here. You are experiencing a common confusion. I think the Party’s deceptive propaganda for foreigners is at work here. The Party does not view itself as capitalist, and if you ask any Party member whether China has adopted Western capitalism, they will definitely tell you this is not the case (that is, if they are brutally honest about what Chinese Communists really think). The Party views the world as divided into two camps: socialist and capitalist. This is the ideology of the Party. Moreover, this ideology asserts that the eventual triumph of socialism is inevitable. The Party never adopted Western capitalism and still adheres to Marxism. The fact you are supposed to be an atheist to be a Party member also shows China is still Communist. They demand ideological purity because they are still actual Communists. It is really hard to become a Party member because they keep a close eye on you. They are very distrusting while they are afraid people will not be ideologically pure. Your thoughts have to be 100% approved by the Party otherwise you do not get in. Party members are total machines. They have no independent thought. It is extremely hard to break free from this. The Party keeps an eye on you when you are a Party member and they do not at all want you to stray from the ‘Communist path’ so to speak. They want you to stay loyal to them your entire life. It is a lifelong pact to be a Party member. When you express thoughts that the Party does not approve of, you could get into serious trouble. Therefore, you have to be afraid all the time. Party members live in extreme fear and paranoia. This is quite understandable considering the Party can decide whether they live or die; your life is in their hands. Being held to higher standards by the Party is a huge personal psychological burden that a Party member has to carry, and it is difficult for ordinary human beings to cope with this. People simply go insane by being a Party member for too long. The brainwashing goes on and on until they have rendered you completely soulless. This is the most terrible thing any regime can do to you. The Party has raised indoctrination to a new level.
LikeLike
In what way Chinese capitalism is not the same as Western capitalism? From an outsider perspective, I see no difference. You could start your business and then get very very rich from it.
LikeLike
That is what the Communists would want you to think. They set up barriers between what outsiders know and what insiders know. As an insider, I know that one cannot become rich in China without the Communist Party, and this is no ideological statement but a fact. Let me explain. China has a state-controlled economy. To be more accurate, it has a Party-controlled economy. All money, all assets and all companies are actually controlled by the Party. Just like all Chinese media is actually controlled by the Party. Nothing can exist in China unless it is under the control of the Party. This is a simple fact of life in China, and especially a member of the Communist Party ought to know this very well. Freedom is absolutely fake in China, because there is only freedom for the Party. Everything in China is ultimately owned by the Party. They have a claim to all ‘your’ money, assets and property. It is not really yours, but it is actually the Party’s. It is like a parent giving you pocket money and says it is ‘your’ money, but then just takes it whenever it suits them. China is the private property of the Communist Party. This is obvious, but it is a truth that everybody ought to know about China. The Communist Party literally owns China. One has to acknowledge that the Chinese economy has been collectivised (based on the Communist model). The Chinese Communist Party is a separate entity that stands above the country. While China is the private property of the Party, one can also understand why they are so fierce on irredentism/separatism (i.e. ethnic nationalism within China) and why they make such bold territorial claims. The Party benefits directly from this. The Party is enriched by China’s economic growth, but the people are not benefitting really that much. Whoever is benefitting from this situation is somehow affiliated with the Party. Therefore, you have to know that you have to serve the Party in order to succeed in Chinese society. It is really not that simple in China. You do not just start a business and then get rich. China is not America. There is really more freedom in America, and things are tightly controlled by the Party in China. This is what the Communists mean by saying that China is socialist and America is capitalist. These are no mere ideological statements. They in fact are describing Chinese society versus American society.
LikeLike